| he don't understand you, he'll never make love to you like i do.. |
[21 Sep 2005|11:21pm] |
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P.Diddy Satisfy you... my favorite alltime song |
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so give it to me, cuz i can show you bout a real love and i can promise anything i do is just to satisfy you...<3
so let's see i haven't written in like forever. .. but i guess i need somewhere to vent to.... i feel like i have noone.. and by noone i mean noone.. i mean sure i have friends but it's like sometimes i just want to be like wtf are you thinking? people that use to be extremely close to me, aren't anymore, people i use to hate are like my best friends now.... i mean you become really good friends with them and then they do something and it's hard to get over.. especially when they say you were never their friend.. it feels pretty good to get over that though.. and i'm glad he apologized cuz now it's like we were never not friends.. i think change is good.. regardless.. me and thomas are broke up.. noone really knows about that but i guess now they do.. right before our one year... how messed up is that.. i mean i'm hurt but then again i think it's better that we get this out now.. and he can get his stuff straight while i kinda get mine straight and hopefully we'll get back together i mean if not i guess there's nothing i can do about it.. i'm just kinda gonna see what happens... i mean i love him to death but there are just somethings i can't deal with.. i don't even know if i'm going to put this as public... i don't know that i want any highschool drama or anything like that... lol.. anyway i might be going to homecoming friday.. i don't know we will see.. i guess it would kinda be fun.. right now i feel like i just want to mope around but i know that's not the best plan.. tonight i went out with jayme, rach, and joellen.. we saw Just Like Heaven and it was so sweet.. i cried through like half of it, no joke! we had a good time..."omg I must have been a slut" lmao... i liked it though.. i wish i had a guy like that.. don't get me wrong thomas doesn't treat me bad, but he doesn't treat me like a princess either.. and he does stupid things and doesn't think.. it's like everything i say goes in one ear and out the other.. right now i'm just gonna chill out and have fun... anyway i'm talking on the phone to someone (who shall remain nameless because he's gay) and he left me on hold.. lol.. i'm so bored.. well I should go leave me some love
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| what it is ho, what's up?! |
[02 Apr 2005|12:29am] |
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lil scrappy<3 |
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so what to say what to say.. tonight i went out to eat with Heather L, AJ, and Thomas... twas fun then we went and played pool which is always exciting.. i lead such a exciting life i tell you what.. Lol... so today i worked in the kitchen from 7-11 then i went to kid check.. I got to be chucke always exciting there.. got off around 4 went and cashed my check put some money in my savings, ya know the smart things to do... lol.. tommorrow i don't know what i'm going to do, I know i'm going to clean my room, that's one thing that's on the for sure list.... oh yea prom is the 23rd so i'm looking forward to that, i went yesterday to get it altered and i get it back on the 11th.. which is thomas's birthday.. so fun fun.. i can't wait till prom though.. i don't know i'm just excited.. lol.. I got a really cute picture frame on wensday at debs it's soooo cute i'll probably end up going back and getting 2398219038 more... lol.. look i just got paid and already i'm tryin to spend my damn money.. well i don't really know what else to say i just figured i'd write.. I'll write tommorrow maybe.. <3
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| so i haven't written in forever.. |
[04 Jan 2005|11:52am] |
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eminem-- toy soldiers <333 |
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i guess i've been pretty busy.. and tried to stay off my ass.. lol.. how was everyone's christmas? mine was good.. i got a digital camera so i've got a bunch of new pictures if ya wanna see em look at my myspace.. they're cute.. i've been cleaning all day today and doing some schoolwork i went to school today for class but they cancelled it because me and one girl and one boy were the only one's there.. lol.. i got an A in that class though for the last semester so that's good.. A's for me.. lol.. i did good considering most people didn't make a's... i've been working a lot more lately.. which is always good because that means more money.. lol.. and i could MOST DEFINANTLY use that...saturday i chilled with heather.. I'm VERY excited about the baby.. lol... it's a girl.. yay!!!!... lol.. we watched t.v. and chilled and talked.. and watched the hottest guys on t.v. the gotti's... lol... sunday night after i got off me, thomas, leeann and ben went to see Fat Albert.. was good.. HEY HEY HEY! Lol.. i won't tell y'all what happened but leeann's DEFINANTLY dumb donald.. lol.. sorry leeann.. lol.. but like i could just make stuff up! heh! aww they're cute together.. they remind me of when me and thomas first started going out.. hah.. it's weird i'm not use to being with someone for longer than two weeks.. lol... but it's good.. we went to walmart and stuff last night and he got an application at dollar tree.. yay.. i mean i know he thinks it's dorky but hey it's a job.. well i don't really have much else to say i'm talking to dustin so i should go.. leave me some comments.. <33
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| christmas time... <3333333333 |
[14 Dec 2004|02:20pm] |
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days of our lives <3 |
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yay it's christmas time.. I'm ecited! lol! and yes.. i spelled it wrong but that's how i say it! lol! so i haven't written in like forever.. hm.. welll like two sundays ago me and my mom and thomas decorated outside for christmas that was fun.. and a couple nights ago we put the tree up.. exciting.. so lately i've just been doing schoolwork and chillin with thomas and leeann sometimes and her new man.. lol.. he's cool.. thomas gave me 1/2 of my christmas present yesterday.. only because i was there... heh... it's really pretty it's a ring with a red heart and it's silver.. it's really pretty.. i don't think i've ever been happier.. the only problem is we never really have any money.. Lol.. he's looking for a new job but it's not working that well.. oh well he'll be out of school in may so he can get a job with his brother makin good money... so that's good.. i'm so excited about christmas.. christmas eve we're going to thomas's grandma's and then my grandma's.. and on christmas i don't know yet but i'm really in the spirit.. lol.. i've been cleaning all day because i really just have nothing else to do and little things being dirty bothers me.. yesterday i put all my clothes up and in order.. (fyi... i organize my closet in color order.. everyone thinks i'm odd but it's just easier for me).. i've got some new pictures i'm thinking about putting on here.... anyway so lifes great... well i'm going to go.. leave me some <3...
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| you never know what you'll do till you really love somebody.. |
[15 Nov 2004|09:16am] |
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i haven't written in here in like forever so i figured i would... the other day i was going through old things and i found my old journal and noticed how everything and everyone is much diffrent from how it use to be.. i kind of wish i was still that innocent.. and still had the same friends.. i mean when you grow up with somebody for over 10 years and then you just kinda stop talking, it bothers you. anyway i been hanging out with savannah, meghan and lindsey.. it was fun.. and of coarse hanging out with thomas.. i guess things just keep getting better but then again there's a few kinks.. as are in any relationship.. someone said he was cheating on me and i made the mistake of telling him and now he wants to fight them, but come to find out the person that said it was trying to hook him up with some other girl.. some friend huh? i heard that from quite a few people.. thomas was like hell naw but still that's messed up that he even tried. wtf. guess that tells me who to be friends with and who not to be friends with.. oh well .. people are such assholes lately.. i've realized you can't trust anybody and it's rare that you have a true friend.... i always end up ditching some of my friends for leeann... not anymore. i'm hanging out with all my friends.. anyways so yesterday me and casey went riding around then we went to thomas's and we all went out to john's and then to eat at excel market... it was exciting.. lol.. then we went back to thomas's and then thomas took me to work.. fun stuff.. meghan came up there to get some icecream but she was working so she didn't have the baby with her :/ i like the baby. lol. she said she's selling her car.. it's bad ass.. i should buy it.. but as little as i get paid... that's a lot of money.. it's a yellow mustang and it's only like two years old.. ah well.. i'll be getting a diffrent car soon enough.. i really want a truck.. but trucks are harder to find unless they're a five speed.. i can drive a stick but my mom doesn't want me to.. so guess that's out.. my car's bad ass don't get me wrong.. it's got a v6.. and it can run em with the best.. but still.. it wasn't what i wanted to begin with.. i think i'll just stick with it though.. cuz i mean i could use tha money to buy other things.. and to save up for when i turn 18.. i'm so moving out like that day.. my mom drives me insane.. lol..besides i'll be done with school by then and be in college.. i don't want to be in college and living at home! i can't wait to get done with all the school and stuff.. start my career and everything... i guess everyone's like that though.. i know we're supposed to cherish our teenage years and i do, but i'm still looking forward to the future... so i'm going to be like broke as of friday because we get paid on tuesday and i have no money so that's good that i'm about to get paid.. but then we have to get joseph and camilla's wedding present.. and my mom's christmas present and a few of my friends.. that way i can do it a little at a time.. i'm going to wait to buy thomas's because he's going with us friday.. lol.. i have no idea what i'm going to get him.. i mean i know one thing but i'm gonna get him something else to.. well i should be going.. <33
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| so this is what it feels like.. |
[04 Nov 2004|09:54am] |
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my goodies!*!*! |
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so what's been going on lately? i'm trying to find a new job.. even though i love my job... :/ i've been chillin with thomas a lot.. i had a party friday night.. everybody was out here.. whoa fun. lol. good thing we didn't get caught.. lol. my mom knew everyone was out here but she didn't know everything.. leeann got the job at k-mart.. fun stuff.. i'm puttin in a application at chuck e cheese and one at k-mart.. and at kb toys.. i need some money for christmas so i can't just go jobless.. thomas quit his job so he's lookin for a new one.. and we're both pretty much broke. so that sucks. yesterday i was off and casey called and woke me up from my nap at 2:30 and we went and watched dawn of the dead at her house.. meghan was mad cuz i came to so she left.. wtf? i've never done nothin to her.. but whatever i'll just go back to thinking she's a whore.. so everything's going good me and thomas are workin out great.. i've never really thought about being with someone for a long time but when i'm around him it's just no question about it.. we talked about it to.. but i'm not getting my hopes to high up because you never know what can happen.. well i should be going.. <3 l o r a n
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| <3 |
[22 Oct 2004|10:03am] |
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well so what's been going on lately? me and thomas have been doing wonderful... leeann and aj are talking now.. aww.. we're supposed to all go to a haunted house tonight.. fun stuff.. we've been hanging out over aj's the past couple days and over thomas's... not nothing to interesting.. jacob put my system in monday.. it's great.. i'm bumpin... lol.. i don't know if i told y'all that so i figured i would again.. haha last night i plucked thomas's eyebrows and he's still whinin about how bad it hurt... he was makin these faces it was hilarious and then i convinced aj to let leeann because he for real had a unibrow comin in.. lol.. so that was fun.. well i don't know what else to write i just got back from school takin a test and i got a 93 1/2 on it.. score. lol. so i'm gonna go watch the nanny till i got to go to work... <3
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| i wanted you to know, i love the way you laugh.. |
[19 Oct 2004|09:20am] |
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seether ft amy lee broken <3 |
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so what's been going on lately? hmm.. working a lot.. went to school yesterday and took some tests and got some help with my chemistry and they are going to get me to start coming down there and helping them like give tests and clean stuff up and file stuff.. and pay me.. and i can write that down on college stuff! score! that'll be cool... i'll only have to do it like two days a week so i'lll just get those two days off from work or work one of them night shift.. oh yes last night jacob put my system in.. HELL YEA.. that stuff is BANGIN!...whoa baby. lol. if y'all see me y'all will hear it.. thomas surely likes it.. lol... he's all about it.. lol we have to go get him a new cd when he gets out of school and get one of his other ones fixed so we can listen to it.. he gets out at 11:30 so i'm going to go get him.. I'm thinkin about callin the school and gettin leeann when she gets out.. so last night after i got all that put in and what not we went to get leeann and then we couldn't go to aj's like we planned cuz my mom flipped out about the storm so i had to come home and thomas came because he was gonna get a ride home.. so we watched a movie and ended up falling asleep watching the t.v. and the storm because he couldn't just leave in the middle of the storm.. so about 11:30 my mom woke us up and we took him home instead of waitin for his parents in case it started storming again.. it was crazy.. but it was cute when we were sleeping lol.. i've realized i really don't like joss stone er w/e... she's just not in any way my type of music... lol.. anyway so i was bumpin the george strait last night.. and it worked.. cuz ya know there's some bass to it hehe... i'ma pimp. lol. well i don't know what else to say.. not much else has been going on... tonight i'm going to aj's with leeann and thomas... that's about all.. i should go get ready + stuff so i can go pick him up from school.. if he hadn't have gotten those tickets i wouldn't have to pick him up!!!! lol lemme some <3
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| i may not be a 10 but the boys say i clean up good... |
[11 Oct 2004|09:32am] |
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here for the party!! |
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so what's been going on lately.. i got done being sick like thursday/friday and then yesterday i started feeling bad again and now i'm sick again.. just my throat this time. i have to go back to the doctor again today. that SUCKS. but me and casey are supposed to go to the mall after or before.. fun stuff. yesterday was some shit. it was the worst day ever. me and casey were riding with thomas cuz he wanted to drive and wanted to take his car so then we're going down the road by the mall and this bitch is all up on our ass and so thomas gave her a brake check but just barely... then she starts following us.. and we saw kory and justin outside the mall and thomas yells that she's followin us and she yells at them that she's a cop and don't get involved.. so then we keep goin and we go down this little ass road and stop the car in the middle of the road and thomas gets out and they turn around and go the other way.. then the police show up at thomas's and say that she said he had a gun.. WTF! i was angry. ol bitch. lol. but anyway so now he's got three tickets. which are gonna be like 100 each. and he has to pay em by like the 28th. we're supposed to go to court the 28th cuz it's her word against his.. but he's trying to just pay his tickets and get out of it.. fuck that he wasn't in the wrong. she was tailgating him. but supposedly he cut her off.. which happens ALL THE DAMN TIME IN ST.B.... if i had a dollar for everytime somebody's cut me off i'd be one rich bitch.. and she shouldn't have been calling the police and followin us like a dumbass no way. that's stupid. totally stupid. i had half a mind to hit her dumbass in the face. but that prolly wouldn't have been to smart with the police there. lol. she'll be lucky if she don't see me again.. anyway before all that we ran into matt.. and he was acting just as nice as he could to me.. ol two faced matt... he did that friday night when we saw him to.. iuno it's weird. but like friday night when we went out we saw him and somebody took a bat and knocked out his windows and his back tail light and tried to hit him.. then yesterday while we were all at the gas station he saw the people who did it and he wanted to go fight them but the guy he was with was like hell naw i ain't gettin my windows knocked out.. lol.. it was funny... he's so stupid. i don't know why he'd be all like HEY LAUREN aren't you gonna talk to me?! then he invited us over his house... ok.. what the hell happened to him hating me and i was a bitch and he was gonna get somebody to whoop my ass... hmm.. ok what else happened this weekend.. o when i got off work saturday thomas came and got me and we went to aj's and they were havin a party and a bonfire out in the backyard and this guy had his radio up all loud and i was like that's what's gonna get em caught and sure enough the police drove by so we all went inside and ate the cake i got for thomas. lol. then me, thomas, heather, and big d all went to johnny's to eat. was sooooo good... even though david was making fun of us and then he was yellin about the gay people behind us..it was nuts. lol. then heather sprayed me and thomas with water so we had to freeze the whole way home.. it was BAD! lol. so that's about all that happened this weekend. i'm off today so i'm happy.. i have to go to the doctor at 11:20 and then i'm gonna come get casey and we're goin to go to the mall.. i'm gonna get thomas something so he's gonna get mad.. lol. he doesn't like me to spend ANY money at all on him.. he like didn't even want to let my mom buy him a burger at wendy's.. it's crazy. it's kinda cute but he'll just have to get over it.. lol.. well i should be going i'm kinda bored and not much else to say... lemme some love <3
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| sippppin on some siizzurrp... |
[07 Oct 2004|11:07pm] |
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sippin on some sizzurp <333 |
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so let's see.. today i went to school from 8-10.. that kinda sucked i was bored and andrew was making fun of me! lol! aaron said i lost cool points for something and andrew goes when did she even have ONE cool point... :/ that hurts my feelings! lol! riiight. then i went to work till 1:30.. then came home and napped. then cleaned my room and did some work.. everything's clean now..good deal.. and then leeann and jason and casey and thomas and justin all came over and we watched love actually... aww <33 was fun. me and thomas are really good together... i put the one of the pictures in a cute little frame in my room earlier.. aww<33 he's got one in his car on the dash and the rest are in his room.. so cute! lol! anyway so leeann's talking to bob now.. i think they're just adorable.. Woooo Go leeann! lol! and casey and justin are back to their same old denying they like each other but stilll flirtin.. who knows.. they'll end up together..anyway so now i'm feeling a bit sick so i think i'll go... <33 y'all lemme some comments
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| don't wanna close my eyes cuz i'd miss you baby.. and i don't wanna miss a thing.. |
[05 Oct 2004|10:36pm] |
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so let's see.. homecoming = awesome.. me and thomas are working out wonderfully.. saturday i had to work.. which sucked but i spent the day time with thomas.. we went shopping at the mall..then came home and watched some t.v... then he came and got me from work when i got sick and we went to aj's house to see him feed his new 6 ft giant ass snake.. it was gross.. they were trying to feed it a dead rat.. UH! lol! anyway so i got all sick and turned all red so we left and thomas came over and took care of me.. then sunday morning i was REALLY sick so he came over and had my mom take my temperature which was 103.3 and he was babying me and making me drink fluids and what not.. you'd think he was my mama er something! lol! anyway so then i went to the doctor and i have to go back tommorrow cuz i'm still sick.. and then LeeAnn and bob came over and we watched *A Troll In Central Park*.. whoa buddy.. pimpin movie right there.. then monday all i did was talk on the phone to thomas... (his car was messed up so he couldn't come over so sad!!) and today i talked to him the entire day like as soon as he got outta school at 11:30 till around 5 when he went to get his car.. then he came over and stayed till a few minutes ago.. and justin tayloe and cross both came over.. adn then cross left and leeann and bob showed up cuz today was her birthday! so yea i've had some visitor's even tho i'm sick.. but i should be goin night
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| take my breath away...... |
[29 Sep 2004|09:35am] |
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jessica simpson |
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let's see.. what's been going on lately..
i'm making good grades.. WHOA YEA! coarse i usually do, so yea.. i've got it figured up and if i hurry up i could be done by may.... exciting i know.. I've been hanging out with leeann and shawn some.. and then i been hanging out with casey some and justin and thomas.. me and thomas are going out now <3 so cute! lol! he's so sweet. i don't know what it is.. i think this one might work out.. he's just someone that i can't help but have fun when i'm with.. so yea... we're going to homecoming this weekend.. and out to eat + what not.. I don't know where we're going but he told me i could pick :D i wanna go somewhere where my friends are going...so i guess i'll have to find out.. i got my dress last week.. it's SOOOOOOOOO cute.. it's like the cutest dress i've bought. lol. i've lost some weight so i can fit into more stuff now.. I didn't really try to lose weight i just kinda did.. good deal.. so last night me and thomas chilled and watched benny and joon.. i'm sure heather and leeann remember *it's not my tree!!!!* hehe. we were crackin up about that. it's such a cute movie. anyways... monday night i took justin over casey's and then we went to thomas's and watched scarface.. EVERY GUY IN THE WORLD LOVES THAT DAMN MOVIE... i just don't understand.. there's got to be atleast one guy who doesn't love that movie.. lol.. but apparently not.. well anyway i think i'm gonna go.. lemme some <333
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| on the way down.. i saw you.. and you saved me from myself.. |
[15 Sep 2004|09:01pm] |
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ryan cabrera |
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and i won't forget the way you loved me...<33
i'm insanely obsessed with that cd.. sad i know.. but oh well ;D anyway i haven't been writing much in any of my entries lately.. so i'm going to try and write plenty in this one.. we'll start with last weekend.. i chilled with heather, robert, larry, chris, other heather, steven, matt, jeremy, and a whole lot more people. we had fun... then heather stayed the night and the next morning we got up and went and ate at O'charley's... much fun.. it was sooo yummy.. thank you very much heaver! lol! then she hadda be home so we went over there for a little while.. then i went and got leeann and we layed around my house cuz we were going to go swimming but it got dark/looked rainy and the boys decided they weren't coming and weren't going to call and tell us they weren't coming.. so around.. 7 i get online and chew them out.. lol.. and made them feel bad.. so then they want to meet at the mall... so me, heather, leeann, and big d go to the mall, and they were going to not be able to make it till 9 so we said screw it and met up with anthony and went and got hershel's tahoe.. (man it's bad lol) and then we met up with them at mcdonald's and i got a rose ;D so sweet. but i was still angry. lol. then we all went out when they left.. we had fun.. sonic's was crazy.. drivin over curbs! hehe! anyway then leeann stayed the night.. fun stuff.. then sunday i went to work at 2.. fun. then monday.. me and leeann went to the tannin bed.. then yesterday i went.. and today i woke up and got ready and went and took my test at school.. gotta 91.. good stuff.. (They make you redo everything if you make less than a 90 so luckily i havent' done that yet!!!) tommorrow i start speech class.. i'm kinda looking forward to it.. i think it will be a lot like regular school but then again better because it's not as strict.. and apparently on the first thursday of october i start bible class.. andrew's gonna be in there with me.. so that'll be fun. work's going good.. i had a bit of conflict the other night.. but nothing to major.. i talked to dustin today.. it was really weird.. i don't know.. it's weird b/n me and him now.. i won't say why.. it just is... some know some don't. lol. tim's leaving the 21st. wow. not even gonna go into that. we've talked about it.. and i'm glad i know exactly how he felt/feels. cuz i think it would've bothered me if i didn't and then he left.. but then again it bothers me knowing now... i think in a way i would've been better off if he said he hated me.. lol.. but i'm glad he doesn't.. makes me rethink somethings.. but oh well.. anyway.. Larry asked me out last night.. i have yet to answer.. i want to think about this one ya know?? i usually just think i know what i want and get screwed over.. and i know this might sound odd.. but he reminds me so much of matt... and i think that's why i'm so hesitant.. i mean think about it.. wouldn't you be? anybody that could give me some advice on this.. i'd be much obliged anyway.. so yea everything's going great right now.. everyone's happy.. i'm happy.. it's to perfect for words. perhaps it will last?.. so my weeks usually go.. work.. then i come home do some work and watch some tv.... ESPECIALLY TV WHEN THE GOTTI BOYS ARE ON! omg.. have y'all seen victoria gotti's show? her sons = my dream men.. particularly john.. or carmine.. but john particularly.. hehe! i'm not even playing.. i would soooooo marry either one! not so much frank he's a tid bit young and not as cute. lol. so anyway.. i'm torn between some decisions i must make soon and could use some advice but other than that i'm good <333 lemme some comments..
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| i been missin so much... |
[07 Sep 2004|10:23pm] |
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deana carter<33 |
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well what's been going on lately.. i ain't written much.. been to busy ;D lol! so anyways.. I'm talking to someone.. so that's cool.. he's really nice.. and not to mention good lookin ;D heh! anyways.. work is going pretty good.. so that's good.. decoratin cakes.. watch out.. before you know it i'll be the best in town.. anyway so we went out to eat today after work.. much fun.. then i came home and talked on the phone and listened to the radio and did some school work. whoa fun. lol. i can't wait till i'm done with school. heh.anyway i'm in a really good mood today.. I should be going while i have good things to say.. <333
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| if i was your lady.. and you were my man.. |
[02 Sep 2004|09:23pm] |
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lizzie mcguire<33 lol! that's old school.. |
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ok so.. let's see.. today i got my hair "did".. highlighted to be exact. it's TO cute. omg. i love it. it makes my horrible haircut look good.. so anways.. what've i been doing lately.. working... i decorated like half the cakes in the cake case! like whoa i'm good! lol! it's kinda cool to be learning how to do that... since noone else that works there knows how but kim and now kinda me.. which is awesome.. maybe i'll get a raise when i get good ;D whoa yea! lol! well lately i been going on walks and playing basketball with kenny and anthony.. just because it's good exercise and healthy for me to get out.. i've been kinda down the last two days. WE DEFINATELY ain't talking about that. i just wanted to crawl up in a hole and die.. but i'm glad that i have the friends i do to help me through these things.. I <3 y'all.. anyway so i'm going out tommorrow night with cassie.. fun stuff.. we're goin *out on the town* whoa buddy! well i should be going.. since i'm in a happy mood today i figured i'd write. <333 y'all
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| it's time to try anything to be with you... <33 |
[29 Aug 2004|11:04am] |
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ryan cabrera<333333 |
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I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think
I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you
I'm weak
It's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You don't know
What you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
It's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try, anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try, anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
such a good song.. anyway.. i thought i'd put that on here for everyone to enjoy :D so what's been going on lately? well i'm happy on some days.. and sad on others.. i guess that's normal..i don't really know..everyone says i have a right to be sad but i don't like being sad so i just act goofy and try and have fun.. but i can't help but think about the things that are bothering me.. i just wish someone could do something... or atleast understand.. or be able to talk to.. but i really can't talk to anybody.. they either change the subject because they don't want me to get all emotional or they feel sorry for me.. i don't want anyone to feel sorry for me.. i'd explain what's going on but i don't think it's just "everyone's" business.. if you get what i'm saying.. well i work 5-close tonight and before that i'm going to my great grandma's suprise birthday party.. fun stuff.. then work.. that should be exciting.. and i have to do some school work in there somewhere.. hopefully i'll get both of my books done.. and be able to take the tests like tuesday er something.. well i should be going. .leave me some comments <333
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| i wake up and tear drops they pour down like rain... |
[23 Aug 2004|10:39pm] |
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rascal flatts<33 |
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i put on that old song we danced to and then.. i head of to my job.. not much has changed...promise to God, head for home check the phone, just in case.. go to bed.. dream of you that's what i'm doing these days
so.. my life as of right now.. well it's my life.. i'm not complaining.. it's good.. i'm glad to have all the opprutunities that i have today.. and i work day shift every day.. come home and do school work.. i made a 100 on my test today so that's cool.. if i keep going at this rate i'll probably be done with all of highschool by the end of this year.. which in case you didn't know is my goal so that i can start college next year kinda scary.. but that's what i'm hoping for.. i'm saving money.. i'm opening a savings account this week.. i already have a checking account, but i want a savings account because i've got to start saving.. college isn't exactly the cheapest thing, even if i get scholarships which is doubtful.. i'm not average.. i'm above average but still.. it's the point they more than likely want excellent...plus.. even if i do get them, i'm moving out.. yes i know shocking.. spoiled lauren is planning on moving out.. i want to start my own life ya know? i want to take on my own responsibilities.. i don't want to live with my mom.. granted i'll be able to do what i want, but i'm not gonna go crazy ya know? i go crazy and do things now.. but i think that's partly to be "rebelious" because i've always been the wild child in the family.. i don't know.. maybe i'm thinking to far ahead or to much into things? but here lately it's all i can think about is the "future".... because i really don't want to think about the past right now.. tim's kinda been on my mind a lot lately.. not so much that i miss him.. which i'm sure everyone knows i do, i think i just miss the way i felt when i was with him.. i kinda feel that way about someone else.. but i'm not sure that he knows it.. i know he knows i like him, but i'm not sure that he's ready for that kinda thing.. and i'm not ready to get hurt again.. so i'm just thinking about everything else and staying busy... let's see what else... i get to talk to brandon a lot now! yay! i <3 my brandon! lol! there's just so many things i want to say.. but i just can't seem to say them.. i'm a pretty happy person right now.. and i enjoy the memories that i have.. but some of them are hurtful ya know? i heard somethings today about matt that at first i thought wow he finally got what he deserved.. but now i feel horrible for thinking that... matt was a part in my life for a good couple months.. and in that i became 'semi attached' and i guess i was just hurt by what happened.. and thought he got what he deserved.. but noone should have that wished upon them, and i'm sorry that i thought he deserved it.. i wish i could tell him how sorry i really am.. but i don't know that he'd know what i was talking about... or for that matter care.. i'm just mumbling now i'm sure and most of you are thinking.. wTf is she talking about?! lol.. but i'm just talking to be talking i guess.. hah. anyways.. so.. i'm planning on going to see *without a paddle* this weekend.. not sure who i'm going to go with.. don't really care.. it'll be fun.. you know some people have said somethings about me here lately that i haven't even blinked an eye at, ya know what i'm saying? it's like i'm secure with who i am now er some shit! lol.. couldn't be to sentimental there.. but.. i've realized none of this is worth it. fighting doesn't solve anything.. and when people talk about you, who cares.. they probably just wish they were you.. i bet that if everyone was truely honest with themselves they could honestly find one thing about everyone they knew that they wish they had.. just a thought.. i think everyone should think about that.. what from each person you know would you want to have.. and maybe that's why you sort of resent certain people.. well i should be going .. much <3 to all! [l o r a n*] :o)
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| been down this road before.. i've loved enough to know... |
[14 Aug 2004|11:16pm] |
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deana carter<333 |
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ok so.. you'd think people would learn.. well i hung out with cassie all day.. .and then we saw casey at the mall, and he came over and went swimming with us... it was fun.. then we went to work and my mom called and said that my cousin had been in a wreck.. he rolled his jeep like 4 times.... that scared me.. i didn't know if he was alive or what.. so then she calls back and says he's going to get to leave and everything.. i'm just so upset still.. i was so scared.. first kyle.. if we had lost my cousin.. i don't think i could've handled it.. i'm just sooo shook up.. i mean i miss kyle terribly as i'm sure everyone else does... things just aren't right here lately.. i'm scared something else is going to happen... i just i don't know.. people don't realize the gravity of their decisions.. i'm scared i'm gonna get hit by someone doing somethin stupid.. i've just got to stop. anyway so it made me realize none of us should take anything for granted.. we don't know whose gonna be there tommorrow.. i learned that from kyle's death... i'm gonna stop writing.. i can't take this.. love ya <33
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[11 Aug 2004|06:15pm] |
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t.v. |
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so let's see.. monday was brandon's suprise going away party.. which he ruined by being late (you suck brandon!).. then i dropped kayla, and cj off and then me and cassie went and got leeann.. then we went to the bank and dropped cassie off so she could go shopping and me and leeann came home and painted.. my room is SO cute. it's pink with stars.. it's to cute! i'm gonna put pictures on here when i get them developed.. anyway so today i worked.. and last night i worked.. and now i'm sitting here watching seventh heaven.. i need something to do... i need a new adventure.. lol well i should be going <333
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dramaqueeen's journal
